time

Time is a funny thing ya know? Right now time is very precious to my family because we don't know how much of it we have. These past two weeks have been amazing despite the circumstances though. As much as we are going to miss poppa bear, we sure are loving every minute we get to sit and talk to him now. It is a strange thing to watch a loved one as they are passing away. So peaceful for him yet so painful for us at the same time. I have heard my dad say a number of times now that he has made peace with the circumstance and is just so excited about heaven. What a strong man! I am so thankful to have a dad who loves me and my family the way that he does. So many people respect and look up to him, people we don't even know in many cases. Last night we decided that God better have a serious task in heaven for him since He is taking him earlier than we would like. For now though, we will enjoy this time and know that Gods timing may not be ours but there is always a bigger clock ticking away that truly keeps time for Gods divine plan for each of our lives.

New Day

Yesterday I was pretty down about the whole cancer mess. Today I woke up with a bit more strength despite my inability to fall asleep last night. So after Amanda left and I could not fall back asleep, I decided to just enjoy the quiet of the morning. This has turned out to be a good idea. I feel alive this morning. Good cup of coffee, good book, some U2 (again my wife with give me some disgruntled look later), and just a little time to get centered for the day.

Read a little Up Most for His Highest, a devo I always enjoy coming back to. Chambers always had some brilliant things to say. Then I picked up Searching For God Knows What and read a few pages of that. I started that book a year a go and still have not finished it so I decided it was time to get through it. I really enjoy reading anything that Donald Miller puts out because I feel like he and I think a lot a like. He doesnt seem to be comfortable with the typical Christan answers to questions. In this particular chapter he was talking about World War II and the wars we are facing today. There is one quote that really stuck out to me..

"Caesar, Stalin, Lenin, Hitler, Hussein...they all believed they were right, defending truth, doing what was best, propagating sentiments of patriotism to a nation-state, as though God Himself believed one country any better than another."

This is one of those quotes that hits me in so many ways besides the obvious of feelings towards war. My plan wasn't to write a whole blog on the quote but for some reason it just struck a chord in my heart today. I think it is very easy for us as the church to believe we are the only truth and the only way and the only hope and that if you arent a part of our nation you are screwed. We see this here in the US with denominations. Everybody honestly thinks they are right. I am thankful that many churches have let go of that today...and happy to be a part of one that does not believe that. It is easy to go there in our own personal thinking as well...I mean I can have such an ego sometimes.

There are so many times in my life where I have just sat back and pictured what the world would look like without the conflict of who is wrong and right, good or evil. I mean truly, can you imagine? What if we were able to bring the kingdom to earth in this manor just by changing our own personal hearts? Who cares who is right or wrong...in fact we can't even be the judge of that. Other religions think they are just as right as Christians. What makes them so different? "Ah but DJ the Bible says.." well yeah I know what the Bible says. I think in my little fantasy world God really does love the whole world and he truly gave his one and only son for everyone who believed....no matter how that belief looks or how it comes about.

Not really sure how I got on such a tangent. For a long time I was seriously concerned about my spirituality and my relationship with God but the more I walk through life the more I realize, God just freakin accepts me right where I am. I dont have to do anything to make him love me.

Man, what a relief.

Walking Through It All

I'll tell ya what. This whole cancer thing sucks mega balls (just being real here sorry if I have already offended you). There are days when I hang in and days when it is just wearing on my soul. Please continue to keep Poppa Bear in your prayers.

Amanda and I are in the process of trying to sign over our lease to someone else in order to move closer to my parents. They only live twenty minutes away in Spring Hill but it is amazing what a difference that 10 miles makes. So if you know of anyone please please please send them our way. We can be outta of there at the drop of a hat :)

Other than the obvious mess that is hanging around us right now I think we all still have faith that God is at work...somehow. The whole thing just numbs my spirituality though. I dont really feel anything. So, I am trusting in everyone around us to keep hoping and to keep the faith..especially when we dont feel like it.

Sorry to drop such heavy crap on everyone...my heart is just there right now ya know? We love you guys very very much and despite the darkness are so excited to keep moving forward and watching God work through all of this.