Here It Is

Well its 1AM and I am still awake waiting for my mother to get home from the Moore's house on this icy, snowy evening (go figure) and thought I would update the world on how things are going.

First off I hope that none of you are offended when I hit the ignore button on my phone right now. I wish I could explain what it feels like to be on this part of losing someone but it is really hard. Some of you know that feeling and have been through this therefore can say "yeah I did the same thing." I promise I will call everyone back, it might just take a while.

Now, to get to the good stuff. My dad was an amazing man. I am so honored and grateful to have had a father who loved me and my family as much as he did. I have been wanting to write that out for a few days now but was worried I would just cry...and that is just one sentence. These past few days have sucked pretty bad, however, I am also very thankful that dad got to peace out so peacefully. My mom will get to hold onto that moment forever...such an amazing thing. God do I miss him though. As happy as I am to know he does not have to battle cancer anymore it sucks to be on this side of it...this side of heaven to be cliche. Im watching my mom try to figure out life without her man, watching my brother figure out life without pops and then looking at myself and my wife doing the same thing.....its tough. The best way to describe the feeling I get when I realizes this isnt just some bad dream (one I am getting as typing so this may be in real time) is that it is like being stabbed in the chest and the knife going from there all the way down to your gut. Okay okay Im not here to boo hoo. More than anything I wanted to get that out so I could share some great memories of poppa bear.

I was thinking back today about him going to all of the stupid things I was into when I was in middle school and high school...specifically paintball. He drove us and helped pay for at least two paintball tournaments even though we really had no hope of winning. He is the reason I started playing guitar and the reason I am so in love with music today...even though he quit playing guitar when I got better than him. He is the reason I want to continue to be involved in the Christian music business. His character makes him better than any manager who is around the entire music world...yeah I said it. And I am pretty sure everyone would agree. If I can be half of the man my dad was I will have accomplished something great in my lifetime. He came to almost every concert I ever played...even if it was more than an hour or two drive. He loveeed loveed my mom...god he loved my mom. I have the perfect example of a marriage to learn from as Amanda and I share our life together. He helped me when I was an idiot..but never made me feel like one. I could always come to him and get advice without feeling like I would get in trouble. He took me on some bad ass trips for significant birthdays. We went snowboarding when I was sixteen and to New York for a U2 concert when I was 18. He let me work for him when I wanted to get a job even though I was an air head for a long time and probably a little irresponsible.

Seriously, this is just the beginning. What a life he lived and lived with us. It is an amazing feeling to say that I have no regrets, no second thoughts, no anything I wish would hav been different with my dad.

Dad, you're a great man and I miss you like crazy. I miss our talks and hang times. But I am so thankful that you left me such an amazing legacy to live by. Do some good work up there. I know we look forward to seeing so someday so we can all party together.

Thanks for letting me get all of this out...it is really healing to just post some lame old blog. This is how I work my shyt out....so work it I shall!