I would say a good majority of our past year or so has been spent trying to figure out what spirituality is really all about. One of the cool things about when Amanda and I met is the fat that we were both kind of on this new journey of "Where is God in the world now?" I can personally say that there were quite a few nights when I was on Winter Jam that I would sit in the front of the bust till 3Am just trying to figure out if I believed that God even existed.
The hard thing about going through a point like this in your life is that the Christian world today tends to scream/present a message that says something must be wrong with you if you are not happy and trusting in God all of the time.
I was listening to a Rob Bell message today, ironically titled "I Dont Know" (well sort of ironic since the title was what caught my attention), and was reminded that it is perfectly, if not Biblically okay for us to be confused, distressed, worried, and doubting the very things we believe. There is no reason a person can not be so close to the heart of God and yet at the same time be in a place where they are fighting to believe in that very thing they are so close to.
Think about this in terms of relationships...another area where the church presents this daisies and roses message some of the time. You can be totally in love with a person and yet have to fight every step of the way to keep a relationship together. Now I dont say that to scare anyone about Amanda and I, but it is something we both noticed about relationships, especially when it comes to being engaged. We are now firm believers in a long engagement because it gives you the chance to get to know the person you are engaged to before you are married...because it is nothing like dating.
God is so much bigger than our crap! He is so much bigger than our doubts, questions, angst, etc. Another interesting point Rob Bell made was to doubt our doubts because we doubt a lot. We doubt if God is there, doubt if we can make it through a certain situation, doubt if a relationship is going to work, doubt if we have enough money to live, etc. Doubt your doubts. Prove them wrong. Call them out.
Okay now that I am off of my soap box....Amanda and I are doing so well. We have a place to live, a bed, a mattress, some plates...i mean seriously we could survive off of those things. It is kind of crazy and awesome to think about. Our biggest "distress" right now is the fact that my car got totaled two weeks ago and we have to buy a new car. There are so many different options and opinions on what we should do that we just need some clarity. So please pray that God will provide us with the right car and the money to get that car. Wedding is in 96 days and we could not be happier. This engagement has been a very tough season for the both of us. A lot of crazy things happened, but we learned so much about each other that we would never ever want to take that time back. Look forward to seeing you all soon! Invitations are going out the first week of June!