I went to bed feeling like a defeated and not so great fiance, I woke up with a stiff neck as if I had been in a car wreck, and I was once again reminded that this part of my life is not over yet. My mom and I talked about how waking up through all of this mess is pretty hard to do. You fall asleep and things are bad, you wake up not knowing if things had been bad when you were asleep, and that reminds you about everything that is going on all over again.
I think I can safely and honestly tell you all that we are pretty beat up right now. In fact it feels good to just say it. We are struggling to make it through all of this. Amanda and I both have jobs (well currently I have two), we are trying to spend time at the hospital, we are trying to spend time with family, and somewhere in there we have to spend some time just being together....and it is really hard to do all of that.
For some reason I always end up confessing a lot in these blogs. Writing is great therapy and I need to do more of it. Yeah so confessing...I am not doing a good job of balancing my life out right now. It is effecting my sanity, but more importantly Amanda and I's relationship. We knew very well that these next few months were going to be tough. We knew a lot of our time would have to be sacrificed. But I dont think you can ever prepare for your world to be pulled out from under you. So, this is my apology to Amanda as it is a chance for me to be honest and say...We need some prayer and some encouragement. It is so easy to just let all of the bad take over all of the good.
Okay, now that I have been a little selfish I would like to say that my dad is doing pretty good. I get really anxious when he is okay though because I always assume something else is going to happen. But I saw him last night and he is doing well.
We are all so ready for him to be home and to moving on with the next stages.
Man, even sitting here now I just feel so stupid for some of the things that have come out of my mouth lately to Amanda....Im so sorry. If this whole deal has taught us anything it is that God has us together for a purpose and we need each other. I know we are pretty worn down right now but we have to keep pushing forward.
*sorry this was more of a journal post....I was in need to put my thoughts on paper*