I went to bed feeling like a defeated and not so great fiance, I woke up with a stiff neck as if I had been in a car wreck, and I was once again reminded that this part of my life is not over yet. My mom and I talked about how waking up through all of this mess is pretty hard to do. You fall asleep and things are bad, you wake up not knowing if things had been bad when you were asleep, and that reminds you about everything that is going on all over again.
I think I can safely and honestly tell you all that we are pretty beat up right now. In fact it feels good to just say it. We are struggling to make it through all of this. Amanda and I both have jobs (well currently I have two), we are trying to spend time at the hospital, we are trying to spend time with family, and somewhere in there we have to spend some time just being together....and it is really hard to do all of that.
For some reason I always end up confessing a lot in these blogs. Writing is great therapy and I need to do more of it. Yeah so confessing...I am not doing a good job of balancing my life out right now. It is effecting my sanity, but more importantly Amanda and I's relationship. We knew very well that these next few months were going to be tough. We knew a lot of our time would have to be sacrificed. But I dont think you can ever prepare for your world to be pulled out from under you. So, this is my apology to Amanda as it is a chance for me to be honest and say...We need some prayer and some encouragement. It is so easy to just let all of the bad take over all of the good.
Okay, now that I have been a little selfish I would like to say that my dad is doing pretty good. I get really anxious when he is okay though because I always assume something else is going to happen. But I saw him last night and he is doing well.
We are all so ready for him to be home and to moving on with the next stages.
Man, even sitting here now I just feel so stupid for some of the things that have come out of my mouth lately to Amanda....Im so sorry. If this whole deal has taught us anything it is that God has us together for a purpose and we need each other. I know we are pretty worn down right now but we have to keep pushing forward.
*sorry this was more of a journal post....I was in need to put my thoughts on paper*
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4 comments:
DJ,
I can't even begin to imagine what is going on with you right now. First off, I want to say that you are in my prayers everyday. Even though we haven't been able to talk much, you and Amanda mean a lot to me and as a staff at the church I work at, we pray for you every week. I know that both your and our prayers are heard and answered with time.
"7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
-2 Corinthians 4:7-12,16-18
DJ and Amanda,
You don't know me, I am Miranda Robinson's mom. I pulled up your blog through Miranda's. Looks like you know the GREAT PHYSICIAN Too! Lean on him and allow him to give you strenth and rest. He loves all of you so much and understands all. Trust him to accomplish his will and hold to his hands for comfort. We will add you to our prayer list and expect a miracle!
Love through Christ,
Mary
I'll be praying for y'all.
DJ, i can't imagine how you must feel right now. but i know you are such a strong person, and i also know that God has placed you and amanda in each others lives. as you grow together, you're going to realize that some things will make you feel like you are pushing your relationship to the max. life is going to throw obstacles at you that are going to affect your relationship when you least expect it. but that's ok. it's totally normal. it's during those times that if you stick with God, you will grow so much closer than you ever thought. you will learn things about each other when you didnt know there was anything else to learn. God can use whatever situation is present to bring Glory to Him. so hold tight to each other and use each other as support, and let Him continue to shine through you. i love you both and i'm praying for you. can't wait to see you guys again
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