Sunday, April 12, 2009

Mice and Easter

So im sitting here at 9:30am after being woken from my slumber to the sound of a mouse scurrying back and forth in our wall, I am wondering DO I honestly feel like going to church? And honestly the answer is no. Everyone gets so excited about Easter, but I just cant this year. Not sure if I could last year either. The human side of me is winning this is just one of those days where I cant be excited about Jesus. Or at least not in the same way everyone around me is I suppose. Today is just a reminder that life is short and that I have loved ones who are no longer here. I guess in some way Easter should be exciting because I know my dad is having a party, but I am just not excited about it in that way. I hope that God respects my honesty because if not I am in big trouble ya know? I could care less about walking in to church this morning and singing some stupid praise and worship songs that I haven't liked ever since Chris Tomlin started using the exact same framework that he stole from U2 that everyone else copies now, or listening to the same Good News that seems to mean absolutely nothing to people in America, or remembering that death is a part of our journey.

As much as I believe and know that God is real, there are days I just want to punch him in the face. He had the power to not take dad home and for some reason he chose otherwise. I am not necessarily asking why but I am admitting there are days like today where my faith/prayers/passion feel pretty useless. And I have been here for a while now..this "valley" I suppose. I havent lost faith, but certainly feel as if my chest has been ripped open and my heart is just kind of out there waiting for some kind of answer.

So, "Happy Easter" I suppose. Go celebrate and be joyful for those of us who just cant do it right now.

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