So after venting and dealing with myself yesterday, I woke up with an idea. As I am dealing with the loss of my dad I really want to deal with my spirituality. Kind of get a clean slate going. The thing I love most about my God is that I do not have to be perfect. So, I am not re-committing my life or anything "church created" like that. I am just sitting down and working this out with God, just He and I, one on one, until my heart and His voice are back in tune. There are many accounts in Scripture of God just going silent on a person or group of people such as the Israelites. I kind of feel like that is me (as does my wife) so I have decided it is time to put the ball in God's court. I am going to sit, be still, read, write, listen until I hear from Him. I am calling this my 40 day challenge because it is a good, biblical, reference number to put on a journey. Lots of things took place over 40 days in the bible....so figured I would start there. If it takes longer, great. If it takes less time, even better :) I am going to be reading through The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning and if I finish that probably picking up where I left off in Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. The thing I love about these writers is that they give great points to pick up Scripture and just dig through as you are reading.
So today was the first day obviously. Read a great chapter in Ragamuffin and journaled a little as well. I am trying really hard to dig deep and find out where I am hurting the most without dad. I am very very afraid of letting un-dealt with anger get the best of me. This week I can tell you I am hurting a lot for my mom...which makes me angry with God because I do not know Him to be one who leaves us alone.
I think that is a good place to start...honest with God, accepting His grace with arms open wide, and beginning a journey to rediscover my identity in Christ so that I can lead my family through this time and follow the path set before me for this present moment. I hope you all enjoy reading my blogs and maybe we can help eachother out along the way.